Actually I've been in the IOP for a week as of today, although we didn't have group because of the holiday. But I'm three days in on my eating plan and I realized a few things that feel important to write down.
- I'm still putting off breakfast, but I'm hungry when I wake up - gently rumbling. Then, two hours later when I get around to eating, I'm kind of "eh" until I start to eat and my stomach starts feeling hungry again.
- Sometimes eating every 2-3 hours feels too frequent - I look at the clock and realize it's time to eat again before my stomach seems ready.
- More frequently my stomach is just starting to make little hunger signs around 1.5-2 hours after my last meal and I kind of have to ignore it or drink another cup of tea to delay things a little bit more, because eating that frequently makes me feel like I'm binge grazing and I'm trying to avoid anything that is reminiscent of an unhealthy pattern.
- I actually kind of enjoy planning out my meal to fit these meal plan "rules." Good girl syndrome for sure, even when I'm just repeating or slightly modifying the plan from the day before.
- Fairly often today I would finish my meal or snack and still feel a little hungry. But after I sat and did something for 20 minutes, I'd start feeling quite full.
I think that's what makes it weird when I'm hungry again soon after that full feeling. Because normally when I feel full like that I'm stuffed full and not physically hungry for a good while after that. Psychological/emotional hunger being an entirely different thing of course.
I had a panic moment last night when I thought I was going to end up eating out with my roommate and her friend. It worked out that they picked up pizza and I was able to eat my planned food, but I do need to learn to be more flexible. I think part of it was that I had already written down my plan on my food diary sheet for my nutritionist. Don't count your chickens before they hatch. I still counted the calories of my food today, but only once - I'm trying to stick to the exchange system even if I still generally know what each individual item is. It kind of freaked me out a little that I'm eating about 1,800 calories when my only activity is some morning yoga and then I sit on my butt all day. I'd feel much better if I was doing any kind of exercise, but going to the gym feels so difficult when so much of my schoolwork involves a computer, and there's just so much work to get done any time I'm not in therapy or with friends.
12 days and counting. I can do this. I am good enough. I am worth this.
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