I'm in a new relationship. It was a hard and fast fall, a feeling of recognition, a spirit of possibility. Intoxicating. So very different from anything I've experienced before. I threw caution to the wind and let myself wallow in the joy and delight. It hasn't been without bumps (mostly in terms of the effect it has had on others in our lives), but it has been eye opening and budding with possibilities.
Now we've known each other a few months, and when I'm with her everything is right in the world. But when we're apart I suddenly feel these doubts creeping in, and that worries me. Do I stay and work to make this a reality? Or do I end things and keep looking for that ever-possible "perfect" partner? What is my perfect partner?
Things I think I am/need/want:
- I'm not monogamous. I always want to experience, to explore, to fall into that feeling of attraction to a new person. It doesn't mean I can't be loyal or strongly connected to one primary partner, but it does mean that my partner needs to feel secure in our connection to be able to handle feelings that arise from these desires I have.
- With that, I'd like my partner to either also be poly, or to be willing to accept that my relationships will always be multiple, even if that's more emotional than physical sometimes.
- I'm kinky. I'd love to have a primary partner who enjoys it (as a top or switch), or at least is interested in my enthusiasm. At the very least I need my partner to trust me and generally give me free reign to navigate that world as I desire. I'm perfectly content keeping it strictly non-sexual without previous clearance by my partner, but I really chafe at feeling controlled by someone else's desires in this arena in particular.
- Wanderlust. I want to travel, to explore the world, to be flexible to opportunities as they arise. To have someone who is willing to live on a budget and take a leap from time to time.
- Confidence and strength - I need my partner to be secure in themselves, to know that I don't live for them, that they don't live for me, but that we choose to share our lives together. I need my partner to appreciate me being there when we are together, but also be ok being on her own when I'm not there.
- Communication. I struggle with this, so I need someone who is either experienced in bringing up difficult subjects with honesty, or who is willing to rapidly learn along with me. That said, I also need someone who knows when a subject has been talked to death, or when some passing emotions don't need to be stated right away. Someone who can step back from a situation and discuss it calmly, not by storming off or shutting down.
- Self-awareness. Another thing I'm learning for myself, and something I need in a partner.
- Social grace. Not perfection, but the ability to fit in to many kinds of settings with relative ease.
- Creativity and adventure. I sometimes have great ideas, but I need someone who also generates ideas and enthusiasm, and has the energy to put them into motion.
- Honesty. God do I need this. No one is 100% honest with themselves or with others, but to the best of someone's ability I need them to be honest with me about what is going on, and to have the trust that I can be honest with them and that they will hear me out, even if it's something that hurts. I want to practice leaning in to discomfort, to be willing to talk about anything in our lives and to support each other.
