So here I go again. I still have two other themed blogs that have been left tragically unfinished, and yet I've got writing and I want to get it out there into the world (for no one but you to read). Thus, a new blog. Another chance to get caught, to out myself to people I know and love in real life. Self-destructive tendencies never really go away, they just mutate. I like to think that this mutation - painful honesty - can at least be filed under a healthy kind of self injury?
About myself:
I'm a cis-gendered female, nearing my late 20s. I'm mostly femme-ish, sometimes I put on my more masculine clothing when I need an extra shot of confidence in a new situation. I use the word "queer" in relation to my sexuality, but I guess what that means is that I build relationships with female-bodied folks who tend to present in more masculine manners. Sometimes they identify as gender queer or trans* to a greater or lesser degree. Occasionally I have quick crushes on cis guys, or femme women, or whoever I happen to feel attracted to. Hence I like "queer" but in reality it tends to work out visibly as some shade of "lesbian." Another post for another day. I'm also kind of sort of poking around the realm of open/poly relationships. Over the past year or so I've been getting into the public kink scene. I've just started grad school, a new adventure in a brand new city in a part of the country where I never thought I (a queer, liberal, kinky lady) would live. I'm optimistic, I've been surprised about my geographic prejudices before and expect that to continue.
I've had blogs of various sorts for nearly...gosh, 12 or 13 years? Good grief. One was for when I was coming out to myself and then others. One was for working through my feelings about being depressed and self-injuring. One was for my attempts (somewhat successful) to develop and maintain an eating disorder. They were discovered (at least the first two) and in getting help for the depression, I came out more fully and that certainly did me a world of good. Amusingly (and tragically) it's still a work in progress (the coming out). The depression is mostly just a dark memory that I've stuffed away and try to not look at too closely. The eating issues have continued to follow me around, I'd like to use this blog to help sort out my feelings about it. I've had blogs about travels, about living abroad, about practically living in my car. I haven't had one about cats yet, but I suspect it's in my future.
I'm supposed to be reading for class, we start tomorrow. I need to finish so that I can Skype with my girlfriend and go to bed at a reasonable hour (how's that for responsible adulthood?), but I just wrote this and finally felt motivated and compelled to put it out into the world NOW. Those moments of motivation are rare and always come with procrastinating on school work, so I figured I should just go ahead and strike while the iron was hot. Please ignore, enjoy, ponder, or go have a cup of coffee, as you prefer. :)
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